Dad
My Aunt Sylvia said to me, "You better go see him soon....", the implication being clear that if I didn't go to New Jersey in the next month or two to see my Father , it might be too late. My retort to her was, "We never talked up to this point, what's going to change if I go there now?". That might seem bitter to some, but to me it was a fairly practical reply, devoid of emotion. She stammered a bit and didn't have much of an answer to that one. She knew that I had a point, and if there was nothing emotional to draw me to make the 3000 mile trip, then there was no particular point in my going "soon".
My Father has early Alzheimer's Disease. His body has betrayed him; he can barely walk, is incontinent, grouchy when he's awake, which is not all that much, and mostly mum. He has become, more or less, an 85 year old baby, with similar needs and emotional skills. It's not so much though what he has become that bothers me, but the relationship we had leading up to now. Basically, there was not much of one. And that's the reason I have little emotional pull to visit him now.
Without boring you with particulars, I'll just say that we seemed to have little in common , and that for many years I wanted the recognition and appreciation he was unable to express. Of course, he was like this with everyone, but as a child I didn't know that. We did have one thing in common, and that was his swing era music. I really enjoyed those 78s!
Before I could read, I had memorized the designs and colors of the labels, so that I pretty much knew what was on each record. I would press my head up agaisnt the big speaker in the Magnovox (my parents still have it, although they turned it into a liquour cabinet years ago), and listen carefully, especially when the speaker would vibrate from trombones coming in. Prez Prado's "Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White" , albeit post swing-era, made a big impression on me for the vibration in the speaker, the cha-cha rhythm, and the changing parts of the tune. So, now and then, Dad and I would talk about swing music, jazz a bit, and the fact that he totally ignored black bands, like Ellington and Basie. Oy gevalt!
What I wanted a great deal from my parents was a sense of confidence and worth, that I was good, that my art was good, and that I could do what I wanted to in this world. I'm still working on it.
My Father has early Alzheimer's Disease. His body has betrayed him; he can barely walk, is incontinent, grouchy when he's awake, which is not all that much, and mostly mum. He has become, more or less, an 85 year old baby, with similar needs and emotional skills. It's not so much though what he has become that bothers me, but the relationship we had leading up to now. Basically, there was not much of one. And that's the reason I have little emotional pull to visit him now.
Without boring you with particulars, I'll just say that we seemed to have little in common , and that for many years I wanted the recognition and appreciation he was unable to express. Of course, he was like this with everyone, but as a child I didn't know that. We did have one thing in common, and that was his swing era music. I really enjoyed those 78s!
Before I could read, I had memorized the designs and colors of the labels, so that I pretty much knew what was on each record. I would press my head up agaisnt the big speaker in the Magnovox (my parents still have it, although they turned it into a liquour cabinet years ago), and listen carefully, especially when the speaker would vibrate from trombones coming in. Prez Prado's "Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White" , albeit post swing-era, made a big impression on me for the vibration in the speaker, the cha-cha rhythm, and the changing parts of the tune. So, now and then, Dad and I would talk about swing music, jazz a bit, and the fact that he totally ignored black bands, like Ellington and Basie. Oy gevalt!
What I wanted a great deal from my parents was a sense of confidence and worth, that I was good, that my art was good, and that I could do what I wanted to in this world. I'm still working on it.
posted by Rich Sigberman at
9:21 AM
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